Parasitoid.

The brain is parasitoid.

I want to write every day from today. It doesn’t have to be grand, but I want to record things, either physically or on the cloud. There’s so much I want to do, but I feel like I’m in a box, confined and limited to certain things — or that time is running out.

That state where your mind (or do I say brain?) tricks you into believing there’s no time left is insane. There’s no candid explanation as to why that happens or why I feel that way — I haven’t done any research at all on it, but I’m sure there’s an explanation for that.

I think the issue personally is that I want to do so many things and then end up feeling overwhelmed and sitting in that pool. Spending so much time thinking and orchestrating in your head without any actionable plan or even taking any actions is like pouring water into a basket.

However, it is more annoying because I am aware. So, why can’t I just do it and get myself out of the overwhelming state I find myself in all the time? I will be unkind to myself if I make it seem like there’s enough time for me to spare for my personal needs or agenda.

I think stress is another factor that influences this — I don’t perform or even function under the slightest bit of pressure. It’s insane. If I ever find myself in a situation where the only way out is to function under pressure, then I’m cooked. Pressure cooks, so either way I’m getting cooked, but I will be cooked regardless. I’ll shut down at the slightest influx of pressure. gmi?

I want to read a book, I want to teach in a physical setting, I want to just be and without any thought, but is that even possible? It isn’t.

I think the brain is the body’s enemy, or shall I say opponent. I think the brain self-challenges itself and sees if the host is willing to execute an action it commands.

The brain is parasitic and, in fact, a parasitoid.