Randoms: A random edition.

It's a random edition of my randoms.

This draft is written at a go without any revisions. My apologies if there’s any form of error grammatically.

I have just resigned from another job in the space of six months.

The first resignation was because I felt there wasn’t any task befitting me, and when the day that I’ll have to justify my time there comes, I’ll have little to nothing to say. I take pride in my work, and when I don’t see the opportunities to grow or improve, I leave.

The second which is the most recent is chaotic. I do not wish to speak about it yet, but I’m glad I’m out. It’s the last developer advocacy job, and the last Nigerian-owned company I’ll work with for the foreseeable future.

—

I’ve had the urge to cry these days - not for anything tragic but as a weird response to moments that I find very satisfying. I’ve had a decent year - met my online friends in person this year, had fun occasionally, laughed a lot, and started playing tennis. Life feels good.

For example, I’m listening to Abeg by Aisosa and I feel like bursting into tears and dancing without shame because I find the vocals amazing - it makes me feel good.

I understand. My life has been rigid for the last few years and I’ve been trying to let emotions work their way freely without having to control them. Now, why tears? Poor tears, they’ve been kept under arrest against their will - I understand but no.

These lyrics from the track above particularly, makes me feel like I’m in need to be loved and make me emotional:

Abeg o, abeg

Has anyone seen my baby, abeg?

Let her know I'm on my knees, abeg

'Cause she won't even listen to me

Abeg, abeg

But, Abeg, abeg. It must be the brain deceiving itself.

—

At work, you’re not a family. Woe unto those who keep quiet when wrong is being done to others. Capitalism has left people bereft of moral values and basic decency.

—

After a long while, I picked up non-psychology books. I read Lola Shoneyin’s The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives. It’s an interesting read and I can’t wait for the adaptation on Netflix - I can already think of some characters which may be in the movie but woot!

The book portrays a scenario I won’t be surprised is common. I have heard several stories of women ‘dogbon si oro ara won’ when childless in marriages. I think there’s little education on men’s part in infertility.

Maybe not little education but men not believing they might be infertile. Many believe fertility in men is tied to an erection and as long as there’s successful oil drilling, then there’s nothing wrong. You can be like the Giant of Africa, with oil drilling but empty reserves.

—

I read Chimamanda’s notes on grief a few days ago. I remember writing a piece ( now unpublished ) on how my actions were linked to grief.

“Grief is not gauzy; it’s substantial, oppressive and a thing opaque” - This is one line from the book I resonated with deeply. Grief is oppressive, it takes a lot from you. The trick it plays on your memory when you try to remember something and it appears, making the remembrance tough and you then feel guilty. Like, how dare you forget?!

In my last piece, the opening paragraph was “For the first time in years, I have no idea what to write. Am I losing my memory and skills like I’ve forgotten the sound of your laughter? I hope not.” I wrote that passage when I tried to remember how my dad laughed - and you know what - I laugh just like he does, smile, and chuckle just as he does.

It’s easy to console another person until you’re struck with an event that needs consolation.

—

As a Wole Soyinka fanboy, I got my hands on a few of his works again. I’m excited to read his work on literature.

I’m trying to return to reading voraciously. A lot of things can change over the years, man. From being a book reading addict ( bookworm? except that I don’t like the word, worm ) to rarely reading fiction again. Osanobua.

Back to reading fiction once in a while and see how far I can go this time around. Maybe we’ll get to see the Abdul of the 2010s? Stay tuned.

—

Some days ago, I was setting questions for a class I taught at Wolfstation’s Data Structures and Algorithm program. The feeling was thrilling - each day, the pull to become an academic increases.

Did I hear you say Prof? Ose my dia.

—

The year is about to end and I still don’t like people. I don’t look forward to things changing anytime soon - I enjoy the basic interactions and fox laughter and conversations with people. We’re all hypocrites, accept it and become better hypocrites today.

Once again, nothing comes for free. I do not see life as transactional but it’s good to always know there’ll always be a take for every give. If that makes sense.

—

Thank you for reading. I hope to write again sometime soon.